Shame by Dick Gregory
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that. I was about seven years old when I got my first big lesson. I was in love with a little girl named Helene Tucker, a light-complexioned little girl with pigtails and nice manners. She was always clean and she was smart in school. I think I went to school then mostly to look at her. I brushed my hair and even got me a little old handkerchief. It was a lady’s handkerchief, but I didn’t want Helene to see me wipe my nose on my hand.
The pipes were frozen again, there was no water in the house, but I washed my socks and shirt every night. I’d get a pot, and go over to Mister Ben’s grocery store, and stick my pot down into his soda machine and scoop out some chopped ice. By evening the ice melted to water for washing. I got sick a lot that winter because the fire would go out at night before the clothes were dry. In the morning I’d put them on, wet or dry, because they were the only clothes I had.
Everybody’s got a Helene Tucker, a symbol of everything you want. I loved her for her goodness, her cleanness, her popularity. She’d walk down my street and my brothers and sisters would yell, “Here comes Helene,” and I’d rub my tennis sneakers on the back of my pants and wish my hair wasn’t so nappy and the white folks’ shirt fit me better. I’d run out on the street. If I knew my place and didn’t come too close, she’d wink at me and say hello. That was a good feeling. Sometimes I’d follow her all the way home, and shovel the snow off her walk and try to make friends with her momma and her aunts. I’d drop money on her stoop late at night on my way back from shining shoes in the taverns. And she had a daddy, and he had a good job. He was a paperhanger.
I guess I would have gotten over Helene by summertime, but something happened in that classroom that made her face hang in front of me for the next twenty-two years. When I played the drums in high school, it was for Helene, and when I broke track records in college, it was for Helene, and when I started standing behind microphones and heard applause, I wished Helene could hear it too. It wasn’t until I was twenty-nine years old and married and making money that I finally got her out of my system. Helene was sitting in that classroom when I learned to be ashamed of myself.
It was on a Thursday. I was sitting in the back of the room, in a seat with a chalk circle drawn around it. The idiot’s seat, the troublemaker’s seat.
The teacher thought I was stupid. Couldn’t spell, couldn’t read, couldn’t do arithmetic. Just stupid. Teachers were never interested in finding out that you couldn’t concentrate because you were so hungry, because you hadn’t had any breakfast. All you could think about was noontime; would it ever come? Maybe you could sneak into the cloakroom and steal a bite of some kid’s lunch out of a coat pocket. A bite of something. Paste. You can’t really make a meal of paste, or put it on bread for a sandwich, but sometimes I’d scoop a few spoonfuls out of the big paste jar in the back of the room. Pregnant people get strange tastes. I was pregnant with poverty. Pregnant with dirt and pregnant with smells that made people turn away. Pregnant with cold and pregnant with shoes that were never bought for me. Pregnant with five other people in my bed and no daddy in the next room, and pregnant with hunger. Paste doesn’t taste too bad when you’re hungry.
The teacher thought I was a troublemaker. All she saw from the front of the room was a little black boy who squirmed in his idiot’s seat and made noises and poked the kids around him. I guess she couldn’t see a kid who made noises because he wanted someone to know he was there.
It was on a Thursday, the day before the Negro payday. The eagle always flew on Friday. The teacher was asking each student how much his father would give to the Community Chest. On Friday night, each kid would get the money from his father, and on Monday he would bring it to the school. I decided I was going to buy a daddy right then. I had money in my pocket from shining shoes and selling papers, and whatever Helene Tucker pledged for her daddy I was going to top it. And I’d hand the money right in. I wasn’t going to wait until Monday to buy me a daddy.
I was shaking, scared to death. The teacher opened her book and started calling out names alphabetically:
“Helene Tucker?”
“My Daddy said he’d give two dollars and fifty cents.”
“That’s very nice, Helene. Very, very nice indeed.”
That made me feel pretty good. It wouldn’t take too much to top that. I had almost three dollars in dimes and quarters in my pocket. I stuck my hand in my pocket and held on to the money, waiting for her to call my name. But the teacher closed her book after she called everybody else in the class.
I stood up and raised my hand.
“What is it now?”
“You forgot me.”
She turned toward the blackboard. “I don’t have time to be playing with you, Richard.”
“My daddy said he’d...”
“Sit down, Richard, you’re disturbing the class.”
“My daddy said he’d give...fifteen dollars.”
She turned around and looked mad. “We are collecting this money for you and your kind, Richard Gregory. If your daddy can give fifteen dollars you have no business being on relief.”
“I got it right now, I got it right now, my Daddy gave it to me to turn in today, my daddy said. ..”
“And furthermore,” she said, looking right at me, her nostrils getting big and her lips getting thin and her eyes opening wide, “We know you don’t have a daddy.”
Helene Tucker turned around, her eyes full of tears. She felt sorry for me. Then I couldn’t see her too well because I was crying, too.
“Sit down, Richard.” And I always thought the teacher kind of liked me. She always picked me to wash the blackboard on Friday, after school. That was a big thrill; it made me feel important. If I didn’t wash it, come Monday the school might not function right. “Where are you going, Richard?"
I walked out of school that day, and for a long time I didn’t go back very often.
There was shame there. Now there was shame everywhere. It seemed like the whole world had been inside that classroom, everyone had heard what the teacher had said, everyone had turned around and felt sorry for me. There was shame in going to the Worthy Boys Annual Christmas Dinner for you and your kind, because everybody knew what a worthy boy was. Why couldn’t they just call it the Boys Annual Dinner-why’d they have to give it a name? There was shame in wearing the brown and orange and white plaid mackinaw’ the welfare gave to three thousand boys. Why’d it have to be the same for everybody so when you walked down the street the people could see you were on relief? It was a nice warm mackinaw and it had a hood, and my momma beat me and called me a little rat when she found out I stuffed it in the bottom of a pail full of garbage way over on Cottage Street. There was shame in running over to Mister Ben’s at the end of the day and asking for his rotten peaches, there was shame in asking Mrs. Simmons for a spoonful of sugar, there was shame in running out to meet the relief truck. I hated that truck, full of food for you and your kind. I ran into the house and hid when it came. And then I started to sneak through alleys, to take the long way home so the people going into White’s Eat Shop wouldn’t see me. Yeah, the whole world heard the teacher that day-we all know you don’t have a Daddy.
It lasted for a while, this kind of numbness. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. And then one day I met this wino in a restaurant. I’d been out hustling all day, shining shoes, selling newspapers, and I had googobs of money in my pocket. Bought me a bowl of chili for fifteen cents, and a cheese- burger for fifteen cents, and a Pepsi for five cents, and a piece of chocolate cake for ten cents. That was a good meal. I was eating when this old wino came in. I love winos because they never hurt anyone but themselves.
The old wino sat down at the counter and ordered twenty-six cents worth of food. He ate it like he really enjoyed it. When the owner, Mister Williams, asked him to pay the check, the old wino didn’t lie or go through his pocket like he suddenly found a hole.
He just said: “Don’t have no money.” The owner yelled: “Why in hell did you come in here and eat my food if you don’t have no money? That food cost me money.”
Mister Williams jumped over the counter and knocked the wino off his stool and beat him over the head with a pop bottle. Then he stepped back and watched the wino bleed. Then he kicked him. And he kicked him again.
I looked at the wino with blood all over his face and I went over. “Leave him alone, Mister Williams. I’ll pay the twenty-six cents.”
The wino got up, slowly, pulling himself up to the stool, then up to the counter, holding on for a minute until his legs stopped shaking so bad. He looked at me with pure hate. “Keep your twenty-six cents. You don’t have to pay, not now. I just finished paying for it.”
He started to walk out, and as he passed me, he reached down and touched my shoulder. “Thanks, sonny, but it’s too late now. Why didn’t you pay it before?” I was pretty sick about that. I waited too long to help another man.
Danielle Borst
ReplyDeleteMode of Discourse: Exposition and narration
The author uses cause/effect in order to tell the story of how he learned to feel shame, but also to make the point that there is no shame in getting help when necessary. His last sentence sends his point home: it wasn't that he didn't want the help, it was just too late now. The man telling him this caused him to realize that the real shame came when it was made obvious that you were getting help, not from the help itself.
Purpose: The purpose was mainly to prove his point that there is no shame in getting help, only shame in making a spectacle out of getting help, which is why the passage was more exposition than narration.
Brooke Hemze
ReplyDeleteThis piece is narration, because it tells the story of this boys life. Dick creates the story of the life of an african american boy living in poverty. Dick includes several instances in the boys life where he has felt shame. The boy is shamed at school when he sticks out and is misstreated for being poor, for not having a father, and when he tries to make himself feel better, he is only shamed. This is then contrasted with his experience at the diner, where a man even poorer than he is shamed because he is beaten for not paying for dinner. In this case the boy is the superior, not the poorest like he was in the schoolhouse, however he was slow to help the man, and that brought him shame. In a way this piece analyses what makes shame. The boy felt shame because he was too poor, then later shame because he had more money but failed to help the poorer man. Helen experienced shame as well when she cried for the boy who didn't have a father.
*these different expereinces may prove the point that shame is a universal feeling felt in many different situations
DeleteThe mode of discourse used in this piece is narrative. Gregory uses specific words over and over like "pregnant" to describe his poverty. He worked hard for himself and only wanted other kids to like him and know he was there. The teacher put him to shame by saying they all knew he didnt have a daddy and he recognized that shame in the wino at the end. He wished he had helped him before he got beat up.
ReplyDeleteThe mode of discourse within this piece was narration. This is plainly because the work is a story with plot and movement. the rhetorical strategies used are examples and definition. Examples are a necessity for memoir pieces because without them the only way to describe the plot is through a round-a-bout means. Definition is used as a rhetorical startegy in that he defines his feelings, and his family, and the differences between himself and people like Helene. The purpose of the piece was to tell a story about two ways in which he learned about shame. He learned it first in school and then again when he didn't act quickly to help someone in need. The purpose is probably therapeutic.
ReplyDeleteThis text was written in the narrative mode of discourse. I believe it was written in this mode because it was a basic story, told in first person, about a story that had happened in the narrator's past. The author's purpose in this text was too describe how a young boy learns what shame is, a word that is hard to define and one that is not formally taught. The rhetorical strategy used in this text to develop the purpose was process. The author went through and described exactly how he came to understand what the word shame means, especially to himself.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is a narrative. It's a narrative because the main goal is to present the idea of shame and what it means through anecdotes which make it story-like.
ReplyDeleteI believe the purpose of this text is to (1) exlplain shame through personal experience and (2) to give a more extensive meaning to the word shame and what it means to any individual.
This piece was very descriptive in the sense that it paints a very good picture of what the author was going through. With this piece we can take away the true meaning of shame; to hurt another over meanless intentions. i.e stereotypes, racism, greed, denial ect.
All of these which are wholly preventable.
Some rhetorical strategies used were pathos (paragraph 6. "The teacher thought I was stupid...") and parallel structure with the repitition of "there was shame" towards the ending of the piece.
Joe Dillon
Livi~
ReplyDeletethis is a narrative mode of discourse
its clearlt narrative because the entire thing is a story about how he has realized shame. I think the authors purpose could have been theraputic for themselves, if infact they wrote the story about their own life.
i think he could have used process, maybe in the life process that he experienced to really understand shame
Aria
ReplyDeletethe mode of discourse for shame is obviously narrative. the author is telling us a story of how he felt shame. there is a plot, purpose and a theme
Mary Duyser
ReplyDeleteMode of Discourse: Narrative-This is a story about a boy who felt as if he lived in shame his whole life. Also, it has dialogue.
Purpose: The purpose is to tell a story. The author is trying to tell us a story about a boy who was ashamed of who he was and lived with that til' he was about 29 years old. The author wants this story to entertain.
Rhetorical Strategy: Compare & Contrast-The author is trying to make it a point to bring out racial problems that were happening in that time. They're showing their readers of how bad it was and how poorly they were treated. How they were referred to as the "relief".
Lauren
ReplyDeleteThe mode of discourse is narrative because this is a story or a real life experience of someone having shame and how it has affected their life. The purpose was to describe the state of poverty that Gregory went through, and possibly to provide as a mental closure or personal reflection of his childhood to help him cope with the hardships that still affect his adult life.
Jason Babcock
ReplyDeleteNarrative. It describes shame through annecdotes. Good stuff.
It is a reflection on what shame is in the face of any form of oppresion. Though this narrative, the author conveys a therapudic message to the readers as he deals with these past injustices. Some techniques used are parallelism, cause/effect, pathos.
The mode of discourse is narrative. The author tells his story through the eyes of his childhood, and explains how he had come to terms with shame. The readers are given multiple scenes in his younger life, all somehow leading up to explain how he had become aware of shame for the first time.
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of this narrative may have been somewhat theraputic as well as for clarification. Dick Gregory is probably well aware of what people perceive shame to be, but he wants to explain that sometimes, we don't always know exactly what we're ashamed for.
The mode of discourse used in this piece is narration, because it uses description and dialogue to tell a story, or in this case, a series of stories that make up a bigger, more important story.
ReplyDeleteWhile the purpose of this piece may have been partially therapeutic, I believe that the most important purpose was to send a message regarding the cognitive battle of shame in young children on relief. Gregory describes the shame put on him by having to wear the same mackinaw as the other boys like him, and the shame in having no father. However, at the end of the piece, he describes the shame he felt, its source coming only from himself, by waiting too long to help the man. I believe that the message he is trying to send is that it is not only the world that will shame you, but the mistakes you make can also bring you shame.
The author borrowed the embarrassing feeling that little kid felt it in the classroom and named it " a shame feeling" by making those critical moments left a remarkable and deep mark inside "Richard" character and being reflected clearly in his behavior after several years when he tried to aid the wino man by paying his food bill but only after "the wino" had already been humiliated and degraded by the restaurant's owner "the food bill already paid from the wino's dignity", hence the best lessons learned from situation above that never let the needy person that he/she felt degraded when getting aid, that negative feeling will return back later on in future.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThe Mode of this discourse is narrative: This story is a narrative because it tells us about a young boy who had no dad and had no money to eat and he had no one to support him. In school, he was shamed and everyone looked down at him. He left school and started shining shoes and selling newspapers. He was making enough money that one day he went to restaurant to enjoy a good meal. While he was eating, the restaurant owner started beating an old wino who was unable to pay his bill. He could not bear to watch the beating and was very brave to intervene by saving the wino and paid his bill. They both left the restaurant. The boy was surprised that while he was feeling a sense of fulfillment for having paid the bill, the wino reprimanded him for his action stating that the beating he received was adequate payment for the meal.
ReplyDeleteAfter the boy walked away for this incident, one wonders what were his thoughts? Was the wino right that he should not have paid? Should he have given the money to the wino instead? Should he have even intervened? Would the wino even remember him the day after? Should he accept that life is not always fair and just?
The mode of discourse: Narrative.
ReplyDeleteDick, learned shame when he was shamed for being poor, shame for not having a father, and shame for learning that it's not that you get helped its that you help too late.
He learns this when he is shamed for being poor, and not having a father at school and feeling shame when Helen cries for him. The shame re-emerges when he is too late to help the wino at the diner when he knew he could pay for him but did not speak up until the end when the wino had already paid his debt to the owner.
The essay's purpose to explain in ones encounter that it's not shameful to receive help, but also its not another people shaming you but you shaming yourself as well.
The mode of this reading is narrative. In this reading a little boy was shamed for the life he had. It shows that he has carried this shame throughout his life until he becomes an adult. He highlighted the moments in life that he felt were the reason for his shame and embarrassment. When he was just a young boy he got a job shining shoes to make even the slightest amount of money in hopes that he wouldn't look "poor" to the other students in his class. These life experiences show how he learned what shame truly meant to him. It wasn't until he tried to help the man in the diner that he realized the "shame" once again for being too late. One shouldn't feel shamed when other people try to help them.
ReplyDeleteKimberly Gonzalez
DeleteThis piece of writing is a narrative. In the passage, you can determine it's a narrative because it expresses how Richard feels shame due to his poverty and about his long lasting admiration for Helene. He would go to the extremes of going to Mister Ben's Grocery store to obtain ice so that he could melt it and use the water from it to wash his clothes even if they were unable to dry correctly just to impress Helene. Unfortunately his teacher called him out for being poor and not having a father. Later on in the passage, he tries to help a man that was beat for going in a restaurant without paying first but Richard was was far too late so he feels regret and shame. In this reading we see the boy grow up and understand that he did not need to be embarrassed for receiving help when he needed it. The message of the story was to learn that we can be our own worst critics.
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